Weapon Name: Chair
It’s totally a weapon, you guys.
Description: A seat with four legs, a back, and two armrests (optional). Can be made of wood or metal. Sometimes has a lovely upholstered cushion.
Where Can You Get One? If you don’t already own at least one, I’m a bit confused.
Natural Genres: You can have a character pick up a chair and use it as a weapon in any setting where the chairs aren’t attached to the floor. So probably not a 1950s soda fountain. But other than that, you’re good to go.
Unnatural Genres: I wouldn’t recommend it against a gun or a laser pistol.
What’s It For? Hitting things with a lot of force.
How Long Can You Fight With It? Chairs are heavy and awkward to wield. I would say only a few seconds before it becomes more of a hindrance than a useful weapon. Defensively, you could probably hold out for a couple minutes.
What Muscles Wear Out First: Arms/shoulders. Chairs are not made for combat, so it takes a lot of energy to swing one around.
Lethal: If used for a head strike, or in a needlessly complicated fashion that would never arise during a regular brawl, sure.
Can it leave enemy debilitated but alive long enough to deliver a monologue? If a leg was broken, maybe. But chances are the enemy would be knocked unconscious rather than left monologuing.
Learning Curve: There’s not much finesse that can be applied to such an awkward weapon. Your characters can pick it up and swing it around with no preparation.
Nifty Fact for Authenticity: It’s a chair. I’m not sure how many nifty facts I can share that you don’t already know from experience.
Will You Hurt Yourself With It? No. Not without going out of your way to do so.
Things Your Characters Can Do With It:
1. Smash it against an opponent.
2. Sit in it.
This is an effective way to drink tea.
3. Hold it up as a shield to keep opponents from getting too close.
Remember how we said knives aren’t good against larger weapons?
4. Build a barricade out of lots of them.
Now we have to climb atop the barricade and sing about freedom.
5. Deflect most other weapons.
6. Throw it. No, seriously. Have your characters throw these as weapons. Nobody wants a chair flying at their face.
If you’re in a well-chaired area, you have plenty of backup weapons.
7. Stand on or jump off of it to gain extra height.
“It’s over! I have the high ground!”
8. Trap opponents.
This is not an effective way to drink tea.
9. Hop onto it and ride it back to the ground like a boss.
Things Your Characters Cannot Do With It:
1. Be tied to it and escape by smashing it on the ground. Any villain bothering to tie someone to a chair would probably use a chair sturdy enough to withstand this.
Now my arms are broken. And I’m still tied to a chair.
2. Do throws, disarms, or neck breaks. The chance of catching a good throw or disarm in a fight is small. The chances of catching one with a chair is really small.
3. Kick it into the air at an opponent. Chairs have different weights and balances, and most people don’t spend a lot of time practicing kicking them. Your character might just kick it into their own face.
4. Cut through things. Once again, this is a blunt weapon. No limb removal or significant bloodletting.
5. Carry it around. The biggest drawback to using a chair as a weapon is that there’s no convenient way to transport it. If someone comes up with a way to fix this, let me know.
6. Wear it as armor. I mean, you could do this, but I don’t know why you would.
This doesn’t look stupid at all.
Chairs are good improvised weapons. They provide reach and force, and sturdy ones can deal serious damage. But there’s a reason they’re not used as actual weapons, and that’s because they’re awkward and unwieldy. Great for spur-of-the-moment brawl choreography. Not great for long-term or elegant fight scenes.
This information is provided for assistance in writing fight scenes only, not for real-life application.